We're facebook friends in real life
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
