you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
