If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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