Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did i walk over a car last night?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
