Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish I could teleport
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
