hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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