It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
