I'm gonna have a badass scar
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
