Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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