dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
