I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
