hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
