I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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