i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize