Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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