Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
