Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize