DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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