i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
