I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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