Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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