Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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