Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
