I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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