Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
