he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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