wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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