the condom got lost in my hair
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
