you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
