I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
