I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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