Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
