I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
