I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
