I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
