every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
