Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
