he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
