we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
