every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
