8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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