I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
