So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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