I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize