I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
