and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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