Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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