We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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