to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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