All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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