im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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