My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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