this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Alive.
So much puke
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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