Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
