90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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