ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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