Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
