It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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