Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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