idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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