I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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